Where do you go?

It's time for my quarterly Oh-My-God-I'm-Still-Languishing-in-College-Park Extended Moment of Horror.

A friend of mine very recently moved out of the Washington area forever. In his farewell comedy show (Here's a clip if you're interested!), he talked about how enthusiastic he was when he first moved here. He was going to be native! He was going to be of the soil!

Contrast that with how I felt when I first moved here. I was not enthusiastic to be here. I was Ohioan! I was of the Midwest! I thought I was only going to be here for three months. Now it's been three years. I'm still here, and I still don't want to be here. (There was a brief interlude when I was enraptured with Maryland, but that was during a spell of particularly nice weather. Now I know the truth.)

The problem is, I no longer want to go back to Ohio either. Ohio is too Midwest even for me. To get anywhere in Ohio, you have to drive, and driving's no fun if you don't have any crazy Washingtonians to dodge. Ohio is the place for meat-eaters and people who like to vote for Bush. Ohio is where you go once you've hit rock bottom.

If you've known me since I left Ohio, you know that my ultimate desire has been to get to California. Well, I finally got there. And was kind of disappointed. Southern California was basically one overpopulated and expensive desert. You never realize how much you need trees until you go somewhere where there are none. Palm trees are fun to look at, but they're not the green leafy companions that I know and hug.

So if my current locale fills me with depression, my home locale fills me with depression, and the locale of my former dreams fills me with depression, where do I go? I'm taking suggestions.