Since then, I've cared for one dog through his final days, raised another dog from puppyhood, and dog-sat so many friends' furry friends that I've lost count. I've written about them so much that I gave them a dedicated tag in my blog, held a dog-themed housewarming party, and finally admitted that I like my dogs more than I dislike them. Although the only pet I ever really wanted was a cat, it has become clear over the years that I'm proud of my role as accidental "dog mom."
Dog-mom-hood is not for the faint of heart. Dog-mom-hood means getting way too comfortable with every bodily function you could ever imagine, and accustoming yourself to the unflinching cleanup of the results of every one of those bodily functions, when they inevitably get performed in an inappropriate place such as your lap or pillow.
Dog-mom-hood means adopting a vocabulary that sometimes consists of nothing more than "Sit," "Stay calm," "Good boy," "Look at me," "Stay calm," "No jumping," "Good boy," over and over again until your world has narrowed to just you and the dog-child you are desperately trying to coax some manners into. When you leave home with your dog-child, you can expect your only conversation with other humans to consist of apologetic one-liners such as "I'm trying to teach him to meet other dogs without freaking out!"
Dog-mom-hood is waking up at the crack of dawn to the sound of your dog chewing on a piece of furniture, and dragging yourself out of bed so you can take him to the park to play fetch before work starts, and falling asleep before 10 every night because you're so exhausted from your weirdly early morning (dog-mom-hood is very hard on those of us who need 9 uninterrupted hours of sleep every night!).
Being a dog mom is a lot of work, and sometimes the only reward is a faceful of stanky dog tongue that you'd probably be happier without! But sometimes, your consolation prize is a holiday dedicated just to you.
Today, apparently, is both Day of the Dog at Congressional Cemetery, and National Dog Mom's Day, and I'm celebrating by taking my dog on a long walk through the city and having a picnic with other dog-loving women, because there's no better way to shun traditional motherhood than by making a huge deal out of your lesser – but much cuter and furrier – responsibilities. Dog moms unite!
Being a dog mom is quite a task and quite an achievement, but you haven't truly become a dog mom until you've become a single dog mom—when all the work is doubled. Such an honor was bestowed upon me back in early March, when my boyfriend of nearly six years ended our relationship, but told me magnanimously, "You can keep a dog."
I had two dogs to choose from, one of which was the aforementioned puppy we raised together, and one of which was Bilbo Baggins, who has never before been mentioned in this blog! We acquired Bilbo thirdhand back in August when he was around 5 months old, (and one of these days, I'll tell you more about that story and the dog himself, because he's the one I kept!).
Since my breakup, with no one else to lavish my love upon (cue the sad music!), I've devoted myself whole-heartedly to the care and maintenance of my sole companion. I have clocked countless hours training him, exercising him, policing his behavior, letting him interrupt my yoga sessions, walking him aimlessly around the neighborhood just to feel less like a homebound loser, and of course grooming him. Oh, the grooming! I could groom him all day and all night, and he'd still look scruffy. It's totally pointless, but I do it anyway, because he is my sole companion! I perform all these many duties without complaint (in fact, with some degree of enjoyment), and feel guilty when I can't be performing them—for example, when I need to be out doing normal single-woman activities, such as finding Bilbo a new suitable dog dad.
Being a dog mom makes dating so much harder! But it looks like there is hope for me. As I was researching National Dog Mom's Day, I found out that our glorious festival of self-congratulation was actually invented by Dig, "the dog person's dating app." I'd never heard of it before, but it sounds just about right for a newly single dog mom. Whenever I'm ready to dip my claws into the heretofore uncharted waters of dating by app, guess which one I'll download first!
