Sunday, February 2, 2014

Weekend Whining

Two weeks and a weekend into this illness, I've had enough with a capital nough. The thought of never recovering is filling me with dread. Sometimes panic. And I think panic, in general, is not conducive to recovery.

I am already annoyed at how boring I've become. I've withdrawn from my skating lessons. I skipped a hockey game and two parties this weekend (narrowly escaping the Super Bowl for another year) and reluctantly attended a third, at which I sat nervously and refused all desserts and generally made myself out to be a loser. I was also doped up on meclizine, which delivered its promised drowsiness nearly 6 hours after ingestion, inconveniently right after I arrived at the party.

My hobbies have dwindled down to one—listening to Cloud Atlas on my cell phone, which is probably for the better because I borrowed this particular audiobook from the library (digitally) and I only have a few more days until I have to "return" it. Oh, and also blogging blind—thankfully this is not too difficult since my touch typing skills are prodigious, if I do say so myself (and heck, I might as well let myself feel good about something, cause otherwise I would be a negative Nancy indeed).

I have attempted numerous times to get  some sort of screen reader software so I can listen to web pages, rather than look at them, which makes my eyes go all wonky. I have learned the utmost empathy for people with visual disabilities, as what I've found thus far has been disappointing bordering on maddening. Stop reading the HTML markup! Stop telling me no text is selected when it is! Stop insisting on reading the quotation marks aloud but not the ampersands! Stop talking like a robot! Et cetera, et cetera.

All the craft projects I've been wanting to do are just sitting in a pile waiting for me to have the fortitude to attempt them. My usually impeccable (though often unfashionable) sense of style has taken a hit, as staring into my closet and trying on endless combinations of clothes is too wearing (get it?) for my brain. I turned down one freelance gig already, and I look ahead with complete unenthusiasm to the one I'm already obligated to do. I paid my bills late, because I couldn't seem to find the time for them in between sprees of sitting in the darkness, thus labyrinthitis  is already costing me pennies upon pennies in overdue fees.

Not to mention the doctor visits, of which there have already been 2, going on  a third, and the prescription, which I probably won't bother to refill.

This weekend was something of a tease, as there were huge swathes of Saturday in which I felt disconcertingly normal, only to have the dizziness come back in several annoying swoops. This morning, I am definitely back to square one. The only difference between the way I felt at the onset of this condition and the way I feel now is that now I'm additionally enjoying occasional motion sickness and headaches. Oh, and originally I would feel better if I closed my eyes; now, sometimes, that makes it feel worse! My consolation is that sometimes I feel like it is easing up, or even occasionally going away completely, so maybe I'm not doomed to a life of dizziness.