That four-letter word

Guess what's coming... it's every single person's favorite holiday! In honor of Valentine's Day, let's talk about love.

There are many types of love in this world, including the type that's a many-splendored thing and the type that makes the world go round, but the type I would like to talk about today is the type that's like a cocaine addiction--you know, the type that you keep pursuing even as you see it steal your appetite, tear you away from your work and everything else that used to be important, and generally destroy your life from the inside out. When you want it, you'll do anything to get it, and when you can't have it, you go stark raving mad. Ahh, love--it's so beautiful!

I spend a lot of time being in love, falling in love, being in love with falling in love, being mad at myself for falling in love, and generally ordering my whole life based on how much in love I am at any given moment.

There is, in fact, a song that says, "Thou shalt not fall in love so easily." You should listen to it. It's entertaining. I often think that I should take this song's advice, but I never do. Perhaps that's because my heart is a notoriously bad listener.

Whenever I see it running off on one of its flights of self-destructive fancy, I say to it, "Hey, Heart? I think that's a bad idea..." and it says, "HA! I laugh in the face of danger!"

I say, "Hey, Heart! Come back here and be sensible for once!" and it says, "No way! You're not the boss of me!"

In general, my heart seems to be pretty generous and caring, and would do just about anything for other people, but it seems to have a vendetta against me personally.

One of these days, my heart and I are actually going to agree on something. For now, is anyone looking for a bitter, heartbroken date to cry with you all through your Valentine's Day dinner? Perhaps we can compulsively listen to Christian Brown's "I'm Stupid" bonus remix (with electric organ! Bonus indeed!) together! Or let's get back at our errant hearts by stuffing their arteries full of all the cholesterol we can get our hands on! Look who's the boss now!