Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Classic Val's Galore

I now present to you a relic--one of a collection of stories from a time when I could not quite spell, but was able to manage a mostly coherent sentence. In honor of my turning 26, let's step back in time and have a look at a fictional masterpiece that I created at the age of two. In this endeavor, I am deeply indebted to my mother, who not only took on the laborious task of transcribing these stories from my juvenile dialect, but who also rediscovered them in the attic at just a time when I am experiencing a literary dry spell. Ha! Now I don't have to do any thinking! I can just reach into the great coffers of my creative past and pull out...


This story is about weeds. They grow in Valerie’s garden. Carrie went to the store and saw weeds. She dropped down her suitcase and made a bong. This is a fire. The fire has to take Valerie to the store again, because she ran out of her weeds. Then Valerie and Carrie ate dinner. They ate carrots and fish. The Queen came and said to them, “Do you want to live with me?” They said, “Yes.” And then they bumped their car into Carrie’s suitcase that she dropped.

A snake came by. Carrie and Valerie and the Queen had a meeting. And then Baby Eric came by, walking with a brand new stick, and they were glad to see him making a bright sunshine. And then a banana was walking. He came from the banana tree. Eric brought the purple sunshine home to his mother and he said, “I brought a sunshine to you. Do you like it?”

Mommy said, “I don’t want a sunshine in my house.” Then mommy put Eric in the corner. And then a ghost came walking by. The sleepy ghost went walking in his breakfast suit. Carrie and Valerie and the Queen and the Ghost and the Snake (their names were Moss-Bus and Chair) got sucked by a tree.

Then a GREAT BIG car came walking down a road. It swallowed up the tree. Then Tweety-tweet (a bird) came tweety-tweeting until it saw its mother bird. It saw its mother bird before a sailing boat came up. The sailing boat sank. The mother bird and the baby bird swallowed up the rocks and the sailing boat. And then the little red baby came by and a blue ghost. The baby and the ghost got swallowed up by the great big car. Then Carrie and Valerie came back again and non once came walking by until Eric and his mother came with a girl and then something good happened.

Valerie and her mother dropped down a carrot. Then the carrot went to the garden and picked up her Mommy carrot. Then the Daddy carrot came walking by a girl. Then Carrie worked in the garden and played in the garden.

Valerie doesn’t have any eyes cause her eyes got dead. One more cardinal came and walked by a little cube.

The carrot family was swallowed up by Valerie. Then sweet Mother came by. Valerie, Eric, Carrie all loved each other.

The End.