One
guy, who I only ever met online (but with whom I had a short and very
fiery online relationship full of drama), said on his dating profile
that his talent was "Fixing things, rigging things to make them work."
Was
it that throwaway line on okCupid that set me on my current trajectory –
instilled in me my philosophy of DIY-til-you-die?
(Or was it the plethora of "life hacks" I keep stumbling upon on the
internet?) I can no longer remember, but I can be certain that it had an
impact on me. Before that, it had never occurred to me that being able
to cobble something together was something to take pride in. But now,
it's part of my unshakable M.O.
I have more love for my home improvement projects that end up like a
Frankenstein's Mashup of glue, scavenged parts, and a smattering of
mismatched screws, than I ever would for a beautiful brand-new,
store-bought version of the same thing.
But
there comes a time when every do-it-yourselfer must draw the line. And
for me, that time came when I needed to install a handrail for my
basement stairs.
The
basement staircase was one of the many "special" qualities of my house
when I moved in—it had no handrail whatsoever. That was not a problem
for me, young and nimble and indescribably graceful
at all times, but it became an issue when I wanted to begin renting out
the basement bedroom. Suddenly the primary user of the basement
staircase wouldn't be me with a load of laundry in my agile and capable
hands, but a paying guest. Who would no doubt be happy to sue me for any
slip or fall. I don't have much of a defense in a lawsuit when my
staircase lacks a basic safety feature such as a railing.
But
I wasn't worried! As an avid DIY-er, I was ready to take on the
challenge. Fortunately, the stairs had come with a railing...it just
wasn't installed. I found it in the storage cubby under the stairs! All I
needed was a few screws, and my staircase would be ready for business!
Cut
to 5 months later. The railing has still not been installed. Turns out
the hardware that came with the railing was bent and needed replacement,
and it took me this long to get motivated and find suitable parts (I got them from
Community Forklift for 99¢ each, of course!)
Cut
to 4 months after that. The railing has still not been installed. Turns
out my basement drywall is just as "special" as the rest of the house,
and has no studs upon which to anchor a handrail. But that hasn't
stopped me from trying. Now my drywall is pocked with screw holes of
varying sizes, and a couple of places where whole chunks are missing,
thanks to my inability to master the art of drywall anchors.
I
had literally been failing to install my handrail for 9 months, before I
finally reached the line of Don't-It-Yourself. I brought in the
professional contracting big guns (which was of course a struggle in
itself, between the lack of call-backs, the no-shows, and the refusals
to provide an estimate). But once they arrived, my handrail was up and
stable in less than 30 minutes. And in the two hours that they were
there, they also replaced my non-functioning gas oven with a new one
(one which I'd picked up for free from a Craigslister, of course!), and
installed a new bathroom fan in my basement.
Those
tasks would have taken me, on my own, days, weeks, or even months,
which would have undoubtedly been filled with many frustrated tears, and possibly a blown-up house!
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