My Dream Phone

Since my phone disappeared into the shadowy depths of the Bali airport, I've been giving a lot of thought to phones. Specifically, what I want in one if I'm going to have to fork over the dollars to replace my old one. So far, none of the phones currently on the market are doing it for me. I've even considered harking back to a simpler era and purchasing a throwback...but I don't like any of them either. So, in the hopes that the Law of Attraction will work in my favor, here's what I'm looking for in a phone. Manufacturers, take note. I'm willing to pay good money (but not as good as you seem to think your new phones are worth these days) for a phone with the following attributes:

Pocket-sized. When I say pocket-sized, I mean girl pocket. Skinny jean pocket. Barely there pocket. None of those hand-dwarfing handsets that you're churning out these days. The phones that are being marketed as "mini" are still bigger than my last phone, which was too big. I am currently using an iPhone 3GS, and that's about as big as I ever want to go. If it's taller than 5 inches, it's off my radar for sure.

Foldable. As I recently proclaimed to a friend, I still believe flip phones were the pinnacle of invention. What modern phone comes with its own built-in protective case? None. But not only does a flippable phone protect the screen from damage (without having to bother with stupid and expensive plastic decals that get scratched and hideous after 2 days), but it also makes the phone fit in a smaller space! See above. Double win.

Customizable. One of the main reasons I can't go old-school on my phone is that I have grown dependent on downloadable apps. If I want to be able to do something on my phone, I like being able to grab an app and be done with it. Similarly, I want to be able to disable just about every feature at any time. There's nothing more frustrating than being stuck with a worthless feature because the manufacturer thinks they know your needs better than you do.

Reasonably fast. I have minimal use for 4G Internet, but I do expect sites to load quickly when I'm connected to wi-fi. If I start an app, I expect it it to be ready to go in 3 seconds or less. I think it is safe to sacrifice luxury features like high-def screens, dual cameras, huge amounts of internal storage, and augmented audio for this simple functionality boost. The only reason I mention this, which should go without saying, is that the iPhone 3G I was using before the HTC phone was soooooooo sloooooooooow I could never accomplish anything on it. I would have been better off without a smartphone at all.

Indefatigable. Yes, I used a big word. What I'm trying to say is, I want my phone to have the battery life phones had in the old times, when you could leave them off the charger for days and still be able to to use them. My last phone (an HTC One X, in case you were curious) died consistently after a single day, even when I didn't use it and turned off every background service I could find. That was unacceptable. The 3GS I'm currently using is delighting me by being able to hold a charge for three days. Hmm, a good size? A good battery life? Maybe I won't bother to look for a new phone at all... Except...

Compatible with my computer. My biggest gripe with iPhones is that they refuse to play nice with my Windows computer. I cannot access my pictures or music collection without having to go through iTunes, a very clunky intermediary. My Android phone gave me complete access to the internal storage with nothing more than a USB connection, but I still couldn't preview the pictures without transferring them. Surely there's a better way.