Maryland is weird

Maryland, my Maryland! I adore it so! Even though we have winter here, which makes me whine and complain incessantly for about six months of the year, I really don't have any serious intentions of leaving. The reason I'm so fond of my state is simple: Maryland is weird.

Take, for example our government public health agency. Our neighboring state of Virginia has, unsurprisingly, a Department of Health. West Virginia, always using slightly longer names than its namesake, has a Department of Health and Human Resources. Off to the East, our neighbor Delaware has a Department of Health and Social Services. But Maryland? Well, Maryland is weird. We have a Department of Health and Mental Hygiene.

Think about that for a second.

Mental hygiene? It calls to mind public service campaigns with taglines like, "Have you flossed your brain today?" Of all the things to be hygienic about, our state chooses something that can never be washed. Or perhaps they really wanted to be the Department of Hygiene and Mental Health, but then decided that didn't give the citizens enough to puzzle over. Just think: Maryland is fighting Alzheimer's every day, with nothing more than the name of its health agency!

And then there's this other mystery of Maryland. Every day when I drive north on I-95, I view the sign for "Carpool Parking." And I wonder, does it not defeat the purpose of carpooling if you have to drive to get to your carpool? Oh Maryland, my Maryland, you do everything so backwards! Wait! Perhaps "Carpool Parking" is really a front for Super Sock Discount Dealers! The next time I go up 95, I should visit and find out what I'm missing.

Well, there's one more thing that's weird and wonderful about the Old Line State (other than its incomprehensible moniker). It has the craziest shape of any state in the union! Now I'm originally from the Midwest, and the states out there are fairly simple and stolid--good hardworking homey shapes you'd expect out in farm country. There's Ohio, shaped like a heart, and Michigan, shaped like a mitten. Farther west and south, you get shapes like boxes and various kitchen implements. But nothing so mundane for Maryland! Maryland is shaped like a deformed plesiosaur!

See?

Maryland, you make me laugh!